Edge Part108:The Forever After

You never realize how fast time can slip by you until you stop worrying about yourself. I mean, really stop worrying and feeling sorry for yourself, and focus all of your energy on everyone else. I know it sounds weird, but its really a beautiful thing.
     There were only three things that made me realize that time was going by; the seasons, unavoidably changing from summer to fall to winter to spring and then back to summer again. Judas, growing up and having his first birthday with us faster than I could keep up with. And then Nina, whose stomach had steadily been swelling with every month that passed.
     She sat on the couch in front of me in the living room, the sun from the window catching her hair. It was longer, now, coming just past her shoulders. She hadn't bothered cutting it at all. Like me, she was busy taking care of someone else. While I had been busy being the father that Judas deserved, she focused all of her attention on her unborn child. She read every book Dante and Sterling had in their libraries about babies.
    I sat on the living room floor, wondering where Judas had run off to.  I heard him laugh, and at the same time, I felt him try to wrap his hands around my back. I reached back and grabbed him, flipping him over into my lap. That made him laugh even more, his cheeks turning red and his teeth flashing.
     "He certainly is happy today," Sterling said.
     "He likes when all of you are here," I laughed as I looked back at him.
     He stood against the wall, his arms full of tools. Dante stood beside him, measuring the mantel piece he was building. They had been working on it together for weeks. I think it was Dante's idea.
     We had a huge empty space in the living room; a whole blank wall we weren't using. Dante decided to fill the space with a white mantel piece. It really was beautiful. He had carved an intricate design of flowers across the front of it, and the two pieces that held the mantel up were wolves. I know that Elliot had helped, too. He loved Judas, but even he needed some time to relax.
     "Where is Elliot?" I asked as I thought of him.
     "He went to the basement," Dante said as he examined the mantel to make sure it was leveled. "To get a few pieces for the mantel. Speaking of which, Nina, do you have anything you would like to attribute?"
     "I do," she laughed as she got up slowly, holding her stomach.
    She paused there a minute,making a throaty noise. I went to get up and see if anything was wrong but, after taking a deep breath, she looked like it had never happened. My stiff shoulders relaxed again as she wandered out of the house.
     I think we all had something we wanted to put on the mantel. We had decided, as a group, that we would make it a kind of memorial- a tribute to everyone we had lost. To Rafael, and Gideon, and Angel, and my father. Even Merlone, the wolf that brought Addie to us. It hurt more trying to forget them all than it would to remember them.
     "I'm going to check on Elliot. Will you watch Jude for me, Sterling?"
     Sterling nodded eagerly as I stood, swinging Jude in an exaggerated way that made him laugh again. I held him for a second before I handed him off to Sterling. As I did, I heard Addie's little footsteps, the sound of her shoes pattering against the hard floor. She stumbled under her long legs, her dress flailing and fluttering as she sat on the floor of the living room. She dumped a handful of toys there before she smiled up at Jude where he squirmed in Sterling's arms.
     I reached over and grabbed my cane where it leaned against the couch before I headed off to find Elliot. I normally didn't need it if I was just walking around, but I knew that the steps down to the basement were old and uneven, the wood warped from so many years of being dark and damp.
     As I opened the door and descended down to the basement, the dim light there and the dank, musty smell hit me. It was like being in  a completely different house; a different world. The stairs creaked under me, the end of my cane thudding quietly.
     "Elliot?" I called out into the room.
     My voice echoed back at me in a muffled way as it bounced off of countless cardboard boxes in the concrete room. I looked around and, just under the stairs, I seen Elliot sitting on the floor. His back was to me. I wandered over to him slowly, and as I did, I herd him exhale shakily.
     From where I loomed over his shoulder, I looked down into the box at his side. It was full of childish things; pages from coloring books, little toys, and some rag dolls I knew where made to look like me and Elliot. Some of the things in the box had been pulled out and were spread around the floor near Elliot; another doll meant to look like Angel and some more drawing pages. There was a framed photograph, too, of Elliot and Gideon pressed tightly together.
     Gideon's ashes rested in their golden urn in Elliot's lap. He ran his hand over the metal in a slow, thoughtful was as if he were just shining it. I seen Elliot's shoulders shake as I moved to sit in front of him. He wiped his face as I did. His eyes were red, but his face was empty and sullen.
     "Were you crying?" I asked softly, my whisper sounding thick like it was stuck in the air around me.
     "No. Its just... The dust is everywhere down here."
     He cast his eyes aside and let some of his curls fall in front of his face. I brushed them aside and took his face in my hands, pulling him towards me slightly. I felt his unsure breath against me as I pressed me lips to his cheek. He fell quietly into me, resting his head against the side of mine.
     "You don't have to pretend it doesn't hurt," I told him. "Did you want to talk about it?"
     I held him against me tighter and ran my hand over his back, urging him to speak.
     "I wish he was here, Abel," Elliot said, his voice muffled against my shoulder.
    "I know... We all do."
     "I see Jude running around and playing, and it reminds me of when Gideon was that age... I love Jude so much that, sometimes I feel guilty."
     "There's nothing to feel guilty about," I assured him. "Gideon was never selfish or jealous. Seeing you happy is all he would want."
     "I know," Elliot sighed, his warm breath seeping into my clothes. I held him for a minute, letting him compose himself as he rested his body against mine. I felt my face flush, the corners of my eyes stinging as I thought about Gideon. I didn't want to cry. I couldn't.
     "We should get out of here," I said as light-heartedly as I could manage. "I think the dust is getting to me."
     I felt Elliot let out a single laugh as his face slid off my shoulder. He brought the things he wanted to get from the basement closer; Gideon's urn, the photo of he and Gideon together, and another picture I hadn't noticed of Angel holding Gideon when he was only a little baby. She was smiling in the picture.
     I slid my cane across the floor, letting Elliot go upstairs before I did. I had gotten used to my cane, but I didn't like him to see me have to use it. When he was nearly gone, I finally followed Elliot up.
     In the living room, Judas had managed to wriggle away from Sterling and was playing with Addie on the floor. Dante was still standing near the mantle, going through a small box at his side. He pulled a metal urn out of it. I didn't know what it was until I seen the scorched remains of Merlone's collar resting over it.
     Dante looked down at the cold metal holder in his hand, sighing as he looked up to Addie. I didn't know if she remembered that she hadn't always been part of our family. I didn't know if she cared. Some part of me wondered when Dante would tell her about Merlone and the she-wolf slave that was with him. It was sad, but I couldn't even remember her name. I thought about it a minute longer before I realized that Dante knew better than me, and whatever decision he made would be the right one.
     Dante placed Merlone's ashes on the mantle just as Elliot came up behind him. Elliot lingered there in silence before he handed off his small armful or things to Dante. As if he were placing delicate flowers there, Dante place them too on the mantle. It still looked so empty.
     I thought about who was still missing from the memorial. My father and Rafael. I had nothing to remember my father by- not even a funeral card. And Rafael... Nothing was left of him but an earring, which Nina had hung on a chain around her neck, and his cat. We couldn't have put either of those on the mantle. I didn't think I even had a picture of him. I beat myself up over not having taken even one  shitty Polaroid of him. I guess I never seen the need... I guess I never thought he would go away.
     My only hope was that Nina had something of Rafael's in her room. I went and sat on the couch, sinking into the cool leather. I squirmed with a jittery eagerness for Nina to get back.
     I watched Addie and Judas playing. Addie flopped onto her stomach as she picked up a white stuffed rabbit, hopping it across the floor towards Jude. It didn't take much to make Judas laugh, and just that little gesture sent another ripple of hysterics through him to redden his cheeks and make his icy eyes squint.
     I sat on the couch for a long time watching Judas. I wanted to get up and play with him, but I needed to sit. I had been running around with him all day, and my leg was feeling sore. I rubbed at my thigh meekly. I stayed like that, even as Addie and Judas started to quiet down and get tired. They probably needed to nap.
     I listened to Dante, Sterling, and Elliot talking from somewhere in the kitchen. When Elliot stopped talking, I heard footsteps, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Judas as he curled up on his side on the floor, clutching Addie's rabbit to his chest. It was half as big as him.
     Elliot came and plopped down at my side. Elliot's hand moved to rest over my own. He leaned his head on my shoulder, and I felt his mouth near my ear
     "Is your leg hurting you?" he whispered softly to me.
     I hadn't even noticed I was still rubbing at it.
     "Not really," I matched his quiet tone, tilting my head just slightly to rest against the top of his. "I just need to stretch a little... I'm going to head next door and see what Nina is up to. Will you take Jude up and put him down for a nap? He's all work out. Addie probably needs one too," I laughed a little to lighten Elliot up.
     "Alright," he breathed.
     He must not have believed me about my leg.
     I stayed on the couch as Elliot went over and scooped Judas into his arms.He hushed him as Judas cried out crankily. He never cried unless he was really tired. He really was a good baby...
     When Elliot was upstairs, I got my cane and stood, but I didn't use it. Maybe it was just my pride, but I felt awful when Elliot even mentioned my leg. It made me feel... Defective. I know he didn't mean it, but still... And even if it didn't, I really did want to see if Nina was okay. She had been gone for a long time, it seemed.
     As soon as I was outside, I started across the field towards Sterling's house. Almost instantly, I spotted Nina. She sat in the grass, leaning back as she looked up at the sky. I felt a ripping at my heart. Maybe thinking of Rafael had been too much for her. She had done so well dealing with his death but, sometimes, when Sterling invited me over to spend the night, I would hear her crying in her room. Sterling would go in to comfort her, and she would calm down, but it still broke my heart.
     When I got closer to Nina, I seen she wasn't  crying. She was sweating. And panting. I quickened my pace as my heart jumped into my throat.
     "Nina, are you alright?" I asked urgently as I reached her, bending by her side.
     "I'm fine," she tried to laugh, but there was a pain in her voice and sweat on her brow. "They're just cramps... Been feeling them since last night. They'll go away soon... Just need to lie down..."
    "Here," I said shakily. I threw my cane aside and moved behind her. "You can lay on me."
     I expected her to protest, as stubborn as she was, but she shuffled painfully until her head was in my lap. She cried as she clutched at her stomach. I could feel her body shaking against me. After a minute, she relaxed, but her body was still covered in sweat and I knew it was only a matter of time before she was in pain again.
      Every time a shiver ran through her and she cried out, I couldn't keep from whimpering helplessly. I think I must have been even more afraid than she was. Her eyes pressed closed so tightly that tears began to stream down her cheeks. Her head jerked back further unto my lap as a full scream ripped out of her; a ripping, tearing scream that seemed to rend my insides. One of her hands reached shakily over her shoulder and I took it. She knotted her fingers in mine, leaving little white moons where her nails dug deeper and deeper into my skin.
     "Let me get Dante," I finally piped up, my voice pleading with everything I had in me.
     "If everyone in the damn house didn't hear that scream, they're deaf," she gasped, her voice so  airy and desperate I was sure she would pass out right after talking.
     But she didn't pass out, and just like she said, at least someone must have heard her scream. I looked out into the distance at my house as the sound of the door opening burrowed into my ears. Dante and Sterling both came out. After they seen us, Dante said something to Sterling I had no hope of hearing and Sterling went back into the house. It wasn't often I got to see Dante run, but he ran towards us then. I heard Nina grumble, but I wasn't sure if it was because she didn't want Dante there or if it was because of her pain.
     "I don't need you," Nina hissed as Dante bent beside her, his eyes scanning her body. "I'm... Not having the baby or anything..."
     "You've gone into labor, Nina," he told her in a comforting tone. "You are having your baby. I know this might frighten you with how fast you-"
     "I said I'm not! You said so the other day! You said I wasn't going to have the baby for at least another month!"
      "Please, save your strength, Nina. I know what I said, but I'm afraid you've gone into labor early." I felt Nina's body shiver when he said that. If she wasn't scared before, she was then. Even I felt my heart jump. "We should move you inside."
     "Fuck no," Nina growled. "I'm havin' it right here! And if you don't like it you can-" Before Nina could finish, she was forced to cry out, making sweat drip down her neck.
     "You need to push instead of trying to hold back," Dante said, still keeping his calm tone. "Please allow me to help you. I don't mean to frighten you further, but early labor is a serious matter. If you don't follow my direction and get him out of you quickly, your child may die."
     I watched Nina's face drop for a second, all her pain seeming to melt away.
     "I'll do whatever I have to," she said weakly, biting back all of her frustration.
     "That's very good, Nina. I promise I'm going to do everything in my power to ensure you and your child are healthy. I'm going to have to take your pants off, if you'll allow me."
     "Take my pants off?" She couldn't help but laugh, even in her state. "Oh, sure. Go right ahead."
     Dante did, and I looked off to the side. I knew that nakedness was nothing to be ashamed of when you were a wolf. I mean, I think I seen pretty much everyone in the family naked just from them turning back and forth from human to wolves and then back again, but it still felt awkward sometimes.
     As I looked off over the field, I seen Sterling come out of the house and start running towards us. As he got closer, I seen that his arms were full of blankets and towels and, hung around his elbow was a bucket of water and Dante's medical bag. He tripped as he reached us, spilling the towels out over the grass, but still managing to save the water and Dante's bag.
     "Nina, your pants are missing," Sterling said as he looked at her from where he had fallen to his hands and knees.
     "I hate you sometimes, Sterling," she said as she shook her head.
     "You don't mean that!" he pleaded as he sat up.
     "My life would be easier if I did..."
     "You do love me." He smiled.
     "I would love you more if you would be quiet," Nina said as she gnashed her teeth in pain, her nails digging into my hand again.
     Dante started spreading out towels, throwing the blanket Sterling had brought over Nina's legs. Sterling settled down beside Nina, a hint of concern spreading over his face as she bit back a cry. As she did, Dante reminded her to push. I think she must have, because she pressed her eyes closed and she held my hands tighter. It went on like that for a long time, Nina's agony seeming to grow and grow.
     Dante was completely calm, but I knew my worry showed on my face. And if I looked worried, Sterling looked like he was watching some kind of horror movie. As Nina screamed louder than ever, it looked like he would pass out.
     "The baby is crowning," Dante said calming as he moved for the first time since the whole thing started.
     "It is?" Sterling said. He leaned over and looked under the blanket that was spread over Nina's legs. "Oh, my..."
     If Sterling had more to say than that, he never got to. His eyes rolled back and he flopped limply onto his stomach. He laid face down, unmoving in the grass. Dante glanced over to him for only a second before he sighed in disappointment.
     "I suppose he'll be no help to me," Dante sighed in disappointment. "I'm going to ask you to push as hard as you can this time, Nina. You're almost finished, now."
      "Raff is so lucky he's dead right now," Nina cried as she pushed harder. "If he was here I would kill him!"
     She screamed out one last time. I was so concentrated on her that, until I heard another loud crying, I didn't realize what had happened. I looked down as Dante reached out and took a towel. He wrapped it around the baby that he now held screaming in his arms.
     "Congratulations, Nina," Dante said as he began to clean the blood from the baby's face and thick brown hair. "Its a boy."
     "Wha... What's that now?" I heard Sterling mumble hazily, lifting his face out of the grass. "Oh, Nina, I'm sorry!" Sterling breathed as he jumped up to Nina's side, leaning beside her on his hands and knees. "I've missed the whole thing!"
     Nina's hand shot away from mine, reaching out to grab the collar of Sterling's. He gulped deeply as she pulled him closer to her, her eyes narrowing on his face.
     "I'm. Not. Finished," she hissed through her teeth before she finally released him.
    Sterling fell back into the grass again, fixing his shirt nervously on his shoulders.
     "Nina, what do you mean?" I asked, most of my attention still on the baby that Dante held.
     "You're still in labor," Dante said suddenly, a certain shock on his face. "Sterling, help me, please."
      Instantly Sterling shot up and came to Dante's side. Dante wrapped the baby boy in a blanket and handed him over to Sterling. The baby quieted down as Sterling rocked and smiled down at him, blissfully unaware of the chaos going on around him. As Nina began to push and bit back cries again, I don't think Sterling would have been able to handle it if he were paying attention.
      Nina must have pushed hardest of all in that moment. Despite how long it took her to have her first baby, the second came in only minutes. I couldn't help staring with wide eyes as Dante brought the second baby up. This baby was smaller and paler than the first. And this one didn't cry out. I could feel Nina's entire body go lax over me as she panted, empty and exhausted. Even her legs collapsed down.
     As soon as the fact that she was completely done dawned on her, Nina's attention turned back to her second baby. Dante cleaned it off and laid it down on a blanket, but it still wouldn't cry.
     "What's wrong?" Nina's voice cracked weakly.
     Dante didn't answer, his full concentration on the gray-colored baby. He rubbed at its chest with one hand, reaching into his medical bag to pul out a tool. It looked like a dropper of some kind that he stuck into the baby's mouth, suctioning out fluids and shooting them into the grass.
     I didn't want to make Nina nervous, but as I looked down at the fair-haired boy, limp and lifeless, I could feel myself shaking. The world seem to go silent as the seconds passed like tiny eternities. Then, suddenly, the little babies chest heaved and a long cry echoed over the field. I could feel the breath that held in everyone's lungs release. Nina's body seemed to grow limper over me and she laughed, worn but happy.
     "Oh, wonderfully done, Nina!" Sterling chimed. "Just wonderful! They are lovely little boys!"
     Nina sat up slightly and held her arms out. Sterling gently placed the dark haired baby he was holding into her waiting grip. I don't know if Nina had ever held a baby before, but she seemed like she had done it a million times. She leaned her first born against her chest, looking down at him and smiling before she glanced up to Dante. He still held the other boy in his arms, cleaning him and wrapping him in blankets.
     "Congratulations. They're both beautiful and healthy," Dante said as he looked down into his arms, examining the snowy-haired baby that rested there. "This boy just needs a little more help. I wouldn't worry about him."
     Nina could do nothing but laugh as she looked at the baby in her own arms. He yawned and shuffled sleepily in his blanket. Sweat still dripped down Nina's face, and she panted lightly. I could see in her eyes how tired and worn she was.
     "You should get cleaned up as soon as possible, Nina," Dante finally said after Nina had taken in her babies for a long time.
     "In that case, I believe we should be getting inside," Sterling said. "Nina, might I carry you home, please?"
     "Sure, Sterling. Abel, please take him for me," she said as she looked down at the brown-haired baby.
     "Uh- of course," I stammered nervously as she handed him weakly over to me.
     As soon as she did, Sterling lifted her up into his arms and stood. Dante helped me to my feet and I got my cane. The baby in my arms was so small and light that I had no trouble holding him with only one arm. I wasn't even afraid of dropping him. The three of us started towards Sterling's house.
     I couldn't keep my eyes off of Nina. She looked like she could fall asleep right in Sterling's arms. Blood that was on her filthied Sterling's white dress shirt, but he didn't seem to mind. Nina clung limply to him, resting her head against his shoulder. He looked down at her, completely at peace and content. For the first time in his life, he actually looked completely calm.
     Once we were inside, everything seemed almost too quiet. With Nina worn out and Dante and Sterling seeming endlessly calm, I was the only one whose heart was still going crazy. I had never seen anyone have a baby before. The whole thing was still fresh in my mind. It was hard to believe it really happened at all until I looked down at the baby resting in the crook of my arm.
     "I'll take him upstairs, Abel," Dante called my attention away from the baby, but I was too stunned to hand him over. "He needs to be washed."
     "Oh," I breathed, placing the un-named boy in Dante's other arm.
     He followed Sterling as he carried Nina upstairs and to the bathroom. Then, the house truly went silent. I didn't notice how numb my body felt until that moment. I hobbled over to Sterling's bar and sat on one of the stools, waiting for something to happen. Part of me thought I should go find Elliot, but I just couldn't find the motivation to do it.
      After a while, I heard the bathroom door open and I looked eagerly to the stairs. Dante slipped down, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his shirt unbuttoned. I hadn't noticed how tired he too looked. I suppose delivering babies was exhausting work for everyone. I couldn't begin to imagine how Nina felt.
     "How is she?" my voice cracked, sounding much too concerned.
     "Tired," Dante said as he stood in front of me. "But, other than that, shes doing very well. She wants you to come upstairs."
     "Me?"
     "Yes, you. I'm going to go relieve Elliot of watching the children. He must be eager to know how Nina is."
     "Alright," I breathed.
     I got up as Dante left, taking my cane in my shaking grip and heading up the stairs. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I made my way slowly down the hall and towards the bathroom. I hesitated at the door, not sure what to do, but I heard a quiet, muted voice call me in.
     As soon as I walked in, a warm wall of air hit me. Sterling's bathroom was painted a comforting blue. The same blue as Elliot's eyes. I have to admit that it put me more at ease. I looked up, seeing Sterling sitting beside the tub, leaning against the wall. He held the brown-haired little boy in his arms, the baby's little frame wrapped in a heavy black towel. It made me smile, but as soon as I seen that Nina was still sitting in the bath, my cheeks burned and I looked back down.
     "Congratulations, Nina they're beautiful," I breathed in one exasperated breath.
     "Don't be so shy, Abel," Nina laughed in a whisper.
     "Yes, please. Sit. I must change out of these clothes and get cleaned up myself," Sterling said as he rose, matching Nina's calm tone.
     Though my shyness was still overwhelming, I took his place beside the tub. He leaned down and I gingerly took the baby from him, making a cradle around him in my arms. He squirmed and made a gurgling sound, his eyes slitting to look at me before he closed them again.
     I was quiet as I watched Sterling examine himself in the long mirror of the bathroom. He scratched at some of the blood on his white shirt before he slipped out of the bathroom, silent as an owl through a forest.
     Nina didn't speak yet. I glanced up at her out the corner of my eye. She was holding her pale, fair-haired baby in her arms. The water rippled and dripped as she ran a warm rag over his tiny frame. Her eyes looked lost in the sight of him. I almost questioned whether she remembered I was still in the room.
     "I'm naming him Gabriel," Nina finally spoke, still looking down at the baby in her arms. Her bi-colored drifted up to me, and the feint smile on her face grew further. "And you're holding Michael."
     "Those are beautiful names, Nina."
     "Aren't they? I was looking through one of Sterling's books... Did you know that Rafael was the name of an angel? Gabriel and Michael, too. It seemed right."
     "They're perfect," I agreed.
      I didn't know how Rafael had gotten his name to begin with. I would have liked to believe he was named after some angel. As I thought of him, I looked to his ear ring, which still hung on a chain around Nina's neck. Seeing it didn't make me sad like it used to.
     "And I gave them Sterling's last name." She laughed a little and shook her head. "He's always so good to me. These boys have hardly even opened their eyes yet and I can tell he already loves them will all of his heart. I'm lucky to have him. I'm lucky to have all of you."
     She looked at me, seriousness on her weary face. I knew that she was happy, but her eyes glazed as if she might cry. I couldn't stand to see someone as stong as her cry.
     "Nina,  you're not lucky to have us. We're lucky to have each other."
     That wiped any trace of sadness from her face, and she settled further into the warm tub. She and I stayed there until the air in the bathroom started to cool. Nina rested, her eyes taking longer and longer to open every time she closed them. It was a gently rap on the door that brought her back into a state of alertness. The door opened and Sterling peeked his head inside.
     "Elliot is here to see you if you're up to it, Nina," he said gently and he came in, some of Nina's clothes in his arms. "He brought Judas and Addie with him. They want to see your sons."
     "I would love to see them," she said without hesitation.
     Nina stood up out of the tub and, once again, my face flushed as I seen too much. I small gasp escaped my lips as I looked away, making Nina and sterling laugh in the back of their throats. I could hear the sound or Nina handing Gabriel off to Sterling and getting dressed. When I was sure she was done, I looked up.
     She was only wearing a long white shirt that came down past her knees. She rocked Gabriel in her arms. Sterling reached down to me and I handed Michael to him. I almost felt bad that the babies were being passed around so much, but they didn't move. They just kept sleeping soundly as if the whole world was just an ocean they were floating in.
     "I'll have to insist that you sleep in my bed tonight, Nina," Sterling cheerily.
     "No problem. Your bed is bigger than mine," she laughed.
     I followed Sterling and Nina out and down the hall. As I looked down over the banister, I seen Elliot standing in the living room with  Judas in his arms, Dante by his side with Addie. I waited there while Nina and Sterling went into Sterling's room. In a second, Sterling came back out and beckoned all of us into his room.
     I stood at the top of the stairs, waiting for Elliot before I went in. Sterling's huge bed was against the far windows, making light spill over the silken red sheets. The whole room, painted in maroon and brown colors and filled with elaborate, carved-wood furniture, had a warm, comforting feel to it.
     Nina laid under the covers of Sterling's bed, covered up to her chest. Gabriel laid at her side with his mother's arms around him and her face close to his heart. I could see that she was fighting the urge to close her eyes and drift off to sleep.
     Elliot and I walked over to the base of the bed and he lifted Judas up. He sat Judas down on the sheets in front of us. Judas rubbed at his eyes and yawned sleepily, not seeming to care much about anything other than taking his nap.
    I head Dante come in and he walked over to Nina's side, holding Addie in his arms. Her long legs dangled down, reminding me how old she had gotten once again. She looked, doe-eyed, down at the baby by Nina's side. I could tell she wanted to hold him, but she held back, instead occupying her hands by clinging to Dante.
     I seen Sterling off to one side, setting up an old record player. He turned it on and let a gently tune fill the room before he crawled onto the bed. He crossed his legs, still holding Michael in his arms. He looked dreamily down at him. The longer he stared, the more his eyes seemed to become lost and glazed. I think, now that everything was quiet, it was finally hitting him that there would be two babies living with him and Nina. I don't think he knew it was happening, but as Sterling looked down at that little baby, his eyes flashing to Nina, a tear rolled down his cheek.
     I could feel Elliot looming over my shoulder and, in a second, his arms wrapped around my waist. He kissed me gently on the cheek and we rocked quietly to the sound of the love song Sterling had turned on. It brought back a memory I couldn't quiet place.
     No one said anything as Nina started to drift off to sleep. Judas was doing the same thing. In fact, he leaned back and rested his head against my leg, letting out a light, airy sigh.
     In all my life, I don't think I had ever felt as contend in that moment; never had I felt so warm inside. As I looked around the room at my family, everyone's eyes on the two tiny babies, I couldn't help but feel like the luckiest person alive.
     There weren't very many of us, and despite how we looked, no one was perfect. All of us had things in our past we had done wrong. We had lost people we loved; people that we would never get back, I used to think, but I found out that the people you love never really leave you. I would say that  our lives, in all of the pain and suffering we had each gone through, were tragedies. The truth is, every life is a tragedy in its own way. The only way we can make it anything more than that is in the tone we tell our stories.
     My story wasn't over. It was far from it. From where I stood in the world, watching the family I knew I was lucky to have, I couldn't help but feel like our story would go one forever. And that was okay with me. As I rested in Elliot's arms, his face in my shoulder as we rocked slowly back and forth, I wouldn't have minded staying there forever. In fact, forever sounded pretty good.